I Don't Have an Awesome Testimony

Yesterday I was reading through a booklet entitled "Why Do We Baptize Infants" by Bryan Chapell, and I was struck by a curious phrase. Having made his case for paedobaptism, the author lists some of the many blessings of the practice. One of the benefits is that it unites a church around the life of the child, committing them to help raise him in grace and truth. He writes

In this atmosphere, faith naturally germinates and matures so that it is possible, even common, for the children of Christian parents never to know a day that they do not believe that Jesus is their Savior and Lord. (27, emphasis in the original)

He goes on to say that it is not only possible, and common, but also desirable. That is what really got me to thinking. It is indeed the will of God that children who grow up in believing households never face the consequences of living a wayward life.


Evangelicalism in America today, influenced as it is by the revivalism that preceded it, loves a conversion story. We love to hear about how Johnny used to do drugs and alcohol and was promiscuous, but now he found Jesus. He put down the bottle and gave up the crack pipe. This is indeed a great transformation, an awesome testimony to the life transforming power of the gospel. Praise God!


But this love of a conversion story often leaves those of us who lack such a harrowing and inspiring tale feeling somewhat left out. It can even lead to doubt. Am I really saved, if I can point to no particular time in my life when I repented of sin and turned to Jesus?


The burden is further compounded by most learn-to-evangelize programs. While preparing for each of our youth groups mission trips, we were always asked to write out our testimonies. In my mind, a testimony necessarily followed the pattern of "I used to do X, but then I met Jesus, and now I don't." I felt that my story of growing up in the church was weak. It was uninspiring, uninteresting, and not particularly uplifting. How does this boring tale illuminate the unconquerable power of the Son of God?


I brought this idea up with father, and he resonated with my concerns. He too grew up in a church that emphasized conversion stories even greater than our current congregation. He too felt unmotivated to share the gospel because he felt he had nothing inspiring to talk about.


But he shared great wisdom from a song a woman in his church used to sing. Its chorus (though the particular words are now lost in his memory) was something along the lines of "Jesus has the power of keeping." Christ is magnified in that there was no need for a conversion story. Jesus has the power to keep his little ones from needing to be rescued.


Note that nowhere in here do I mean to imply that I am morally perfect. Like the person who comes to faith later in life, I struggle against the underlying sin nature. I mess up. I repent. I turn to Jesus and trust that his blood is the payment for the debt I've incurred. I am still saved by grace through faith. Through God's grace, I have not been lead too far astray by the more seductive sins that offer more dire consequences.


So perhaps I have an awesome testimony after all. God's grace and power in my life is evident in that I never became addicted to drugs, got a girl pregnant, or totaled my car driving home drunk from a party. In this modern age, where these things are so common, the fact I never had a desire to do them could be just as intriguing as if I had been delivered from them. So my testimony doesn't tell of a time when I did X and Y, but no longer do. It tells of a God who in grace and mercy kept me from the pain that results from those actions. It tells of a Christ who paid the due penalty for the many other sins I did commit. It tells of a Spirit who convicts me of those sins and points to a better way, one that is more pleasing to God. My testimony definitely still speaks of an awesome God, and that, of course, is of what every testimony should speak.